Don't tell me I'm too busy with sports

 

I hate it when people say, "you're too busy with sports."  I've heard it to my face and I can tell when people think it but don't say it.  Yeah, we are a busy family and most of our busy is sports related.  But I wouldn't call it "too busy" as if it were a bad thing.  It's what I call "a good busy."  Maybe even a "blessed busy."

I accidently took this picture last spring.  Track season.  Of an athlete who is quite dear to me.  Megan was a member of the 4x400 team.  This team was made up of strong 400 (1 lap around the track) runners.  Jess was a member of the relay and often would say, "Megan says we could win 1st at state, so we're going to!"  As the season progressed it became crystal clear that state champs was in their grasp as they were slated 1st via their season times.

"Leave it all on the track" is how Megan ran every race, performed at every practice.  As the season progressed she developed what she thought were shin splints.  Come to find out, it was the beginnings of a fracture and the week before districts she was pulled to recover.  Devastating doesn't even describe the feelings that everyone felt.

We weren't even sure we'd win districts much less state.

A very talented athlete was asked to take Megan's place last minute.  Ava ran her heart out and in the picture I took, it's the 4x400 relay team celebrating their district win, knowing they'd advance to state.  It was Megan's team and she wasn't running.

This picture broke my heart.  

How many of us has given something our all, and we lose it?  Like Megan in this picture, we look at what we worked so hard to get and don't get it.  A job.  An election.  A raise. Wanting a family.  The school.  The girl (lol!) 

And this is why I love sports.

Look at the love and concern Punk is showing Megan.

Remember how hard Ava had to push herself to fill Megan's place.

Know that the 4x400 team never saw Megan as "not a part of the team" and referred to themselves as "Megan's team" as they traveled to state.

The lessons and character building that surrounded this entire event are priceless.

Lets fast forward a few months.

Fall soccer season 2021.

Our season was definitely lopsided!  We'd smash teams then get smashed ourselves.  It's every team's dream to compete at the state level and we had no idea how we'd do.  

Especially up against Sandpoint.  

Our first game we were beat 1-4.

Our second game it was 0-2.

Sandpoint was ranked 2nd in Idaho and had a pristine season, 12-0.  They played as a very well oiled, intimidating machine.

Angela drew a foul inside the 18 (goalie fouled!) and it was Megan who took and made the penalty kick.

SP offense hammered our defense but we kept them out and ended up winning 1-0.

Quite literally David beat Goliath last night.

And this is why I love sports.

Megan suffered a devastating blow during the track season and came back and scored the goal that took down Goliath.

The lessons and character building that surrounded last nights events are priceless.

When you get knocked down, you get back up 

When your friend gets knocked down, you stand by her 

When you're needed and not sure how you'll do, give it your all 

And when you're up against Goliath, pray 

Yeah, I was doing a lot of praying.

And when you're up against Goliath, go as if you deserve to fight him.

And if you THINK you're Goliath, don't kick your feet up and relax.

Megan suffered such a low and then enjoyed such a high.

But what remained a constant and what WILL remain a constant with her is her fight and her determination and her resilience.  And I truly believe that good will come with that.  If not immediately, it will come!

So yeah, please don't tell a family or a person, "You're too busy with sports."  Recognize they are being blessed with opportunities to learn life lessons and character building skills that will absolutely see them through the rest of their lives.

Culture vs Gospel

I think the culture of my church neutralizes the members. 

I've been pondering this topic for years.  It's the bulk of a lot of my conversation with my closest friends.

As I sit here trying to think of how to explain it, I can't help but think, "share what you have learned."

Lately I've been extremely drawn to the parables Christ taught.

The 10 Virgins
The 5, 2 and 1 talent story
The Good Samaritan
Clean the inner vessel
The 10 lepers

Lets take the 10 virgins.  The 5 wise and the 5 foolish.  Guess what?  There's hardly a difference between them.  They all show faith (watching for the bridegroom).  They all show obedience (all being where they're supposed to be).  They all show preparedness (dressed accordingly).  They all have what they need (lamps, even oil).  They all have the same goal even (to be a part of the festivities).  Yet in the end, 5 are not recognized by the bridegroom.  And they were shocked.

There's another scripture.  Matthew 7:22-23.  "Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in they name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?"  Then 23, "And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you..."

These stories have always ... I don't know ... set up camp in my heart and soul.  What's the oil?  What did these people do wrong?

Because my desire is to be one of the 5 wise.  I want to be the servant that turns the 5 talents into 10.  Ultimately, I hope to hear these words (Matthew 25:21) "Well done, thou good and faithful servant:  thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make the ruler over many things:  enter thou into the joy of they Lord."

If you read just a bit more, Christ actually teaches, I feel, what the oil is.  He illustrates what those He will recognize as His will do:

"I was an hungred and ye gave me meat.  I was thirsty and ye gave me drink.  I was a stranger and ye took me in.  Naked and ye clothed me.  Sick and ye visited me... in prison and ye came unto me."

I don't think His teachings are limited to soup kitchens or Peace Corp trips or visiting prisons or nursing homes (by all means, do this too!  Hello!!!)

There are so many levels of hunger.  Spiritual.  Social.  Mental. 
There are so many levels of thirst.  A thirst for friendship.  A thirst for understanding.  A thirst for being validated.
There are so many types of strangers.  Basically, anything that I am not!  LOL!! How do I respond to people who have different ideals than my own?  Do I still make them feel welcomed in my life?
Naked.  If you're naked, you feel vulnerable.  Exposed.  If I'm interacting with someone how feels vulnerable, I sure hope I have empowered them.  I really do.
Sick. 
In prison.

This is what we're supposed to do.  To everyone.  Not just those we visit teach.  Not just those we see as "hey!  I bet I can reactivate that family and be the humble braggy smiler at their baptism!"
How do we treat our kid when they say, "hey Mom, I don't want to serve a mission."
Or when we find out that a family member identifies as bisexual.
Or find yourself filing for divorce? 

This is why I say, the culture of this church can actually neutralize it's members.  I don't want to make a list of what the culture is.  That'd be a long ass list.  What that list does, however, is it makes those who concentrate on those boxes to check distracted from what's around them.  From what really we SHOULD be doing.  It gives clearer meaning to the phrase "all is well in Zion"!

Instead, I want to focus on what the GOSPEL is. 

Wow, as I type this, I can't help but think, "the Gospel wants us to empower others.  To uplift and strengthen others.  Our friends.  Our spouse.  Our children.  Our SELVES."

I'm getting really tired.  There's so much more I want to write.  I'll keep writing.  It sure does help me figure this whole culture vs Gospel phenomenon thing out.

Page 155 in the Book of Mormon

Page 155 but the exact reference page 155 verse 6.

Anyone who knows me ... who REALLY knows me, knows that I'm really committed to religion and very committed to my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
But I hate the culture.  I hate everything about the culture.  To me it's one of shame and very toxic.  So as a member of this church and as a mother, my focus lately has been to weed through the shit and identify and teach the pure gospel of my religion.
I was reading today in Mosiah.  Chapter 4.  Verse 6.
"...if you have come to a knowledge of the goodness of God, and his matchless power, and his wisdom, and his patience, and his long-suffering towards the children of men; and also, the atonement which has been prepared from the foundation of the world, that thereby salvation might come to him that should put his trust in the Lord, and should be diligent in keeping his commandments, and continue in the faith even unto the end of his life, I mean the life of the mortal body - (7) I say, that this is the man who receiveth salvation..."

Here was my IMMEDIATE thought.  WHY AREN'T WE TEACHING MORE OF THIS IN CHURCH?!?!

And then the very next thought was, "THIS IS WHY WE ARE BECOMING MORE HOME CENTERED IN TEACHING OUR CHILDREN!!"

I can bet most LDS kids can rattle off how they should dress, what they can and can't do on Sundays, how long boys hair should be, that coffee and smoking is bad ... but have there been any deep, to the soul, discussions on the goodness of God?  What "matchless power" means and how we can call on it to help us?  Have the youth been made aware, if just for a tiny bit, of God's wisdom in THEIR own lives?  What does long-suffering even mean for ME on a personal level?

I find it humbling that the "atonement ... was prepared from the FOUNDATION of the world" which would play such a soul saving role when Eve ate from the tree of knowledge while in the garden of Eden.  The atonement wasn't going to come into play UNTIL AFTER she ate the fruit ... meaning, Eve fulfilled her mission perfectly when she at.  What can we learn from Eve and her understanding of things, her faith, her boldness, her risk taking ... she went and did what she was told NOT TO DO and in so doing, unlocked a mystery of heaven ... the ATONEMENT!  What can we learn from this?  Why isn't this discussed in Sunday School?

"Put his trust in the Lord..." what does that even mean?  What does that feel like?  It's such a scary thing really... I can put my trust in the Lord maybe ... 30% worth.  I battle with this because of fear ... what tools can I give my kids, other kids, to help them with this?

"Diligent in keeping the commandments ... continue in the faith ..." basically until death.

This verse just hit me like a ton of bricks today.  I'm shocked that this verse isn't what the youth are asked to memorize instead of the Young Women's theme.  And the reason I'm shocked is because of what follows:

"...this is the man who receiveth salvation..."

And THIS IS WHY we have been commanded by a living prophet of God, to INSTEAD OF LEANING ON THE CHURCH to teach our kids, that WE TEACH OUR OWN KIDS.

In my own personal life, the "culture" of the church has been rammed down my throat ... and now, I'm choking on it.  I'm having a literal "spiritual vomiting" if you will to remove the culture from my throat.  And in so doing, I've been learning so much more of what being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is about.  I'm making room for the "bread and water" that Christ offers.  I desire so much to strengthen my trust in the Lord.  To be able to recognize the Lords commandments so I can keep them...to continue in the the faith ...

Faith in what?  Faith of what?

The rest of this chapter teaches this.  It's a great chapter.  I'm so glad I read it.  I had to put my thoughts down so I hopped onto the computer to write.

If I can tap into God's matchless power, ... wow... this truly is something my children need to be made aware of!  This is such a great chapter.

And this just further strengthens my knowledge and beliefs that there truly is a living, breathing, talking to God prophet on this Earth again to prepare our families and ourselves for the up and coming days.  I love that we're being counseled to not rely on teachers, activities, the church building and its classrooms, to teach our children.  I think so much has been missed or glossed over in the past.  Maybe we didn't need it so badly like we do now.

This chapter ... my kids will learn about starting tonight!!

Sending one off ...

It's been a week or has it been longer?  Lemme check ... ok, over 2 weeks, since we took Colby to college.

So many people have asked how I'm doing.  If I'm sad.  Reminding me that as kids leave, the dynamics change so much.

Let me tell you what it was like for me to drop Colby off.

We spent a couple of days there in UT, basically just eating and buying him things.  We didn't take him around town, we didn't help him get familiar with things.  He didn't want to spend our last few moments doing that.  His exact words were, "I'll figure everything out after you leave..." meaning the bus system, school, bike routs, train, etc. "I just want to spend time together and then when you leave, I'll do everything else myself."

So to answer the first question.  No, I'm not sad.  Because I could tell SO CLEARLY that Colby knew how to take care of himself.  Or at the very least, that he WANTED to take care of himself.  It was such a RELIEF to me that Colby didn't NEED us.  I am, very honestly, so happy that he's experiencing life outside the house now.

Because there was a time, right before he left, that it hit me like a ton of bricks.  "Colby has reached his max potential here under your roof.  He cannot grow anymore.  He has to leave in order to grow."

It was at that moment that I understood, although I will always be his mom ... I am done being his parent.  I am now his friend, I can give advice IF HE ASKS, I can always answer his calls and texts ... but now he gets to take everything he has learned at home and simply ADD TO IT as he grows and experiences life outside of my care.

He's doing so well.  He biked all over turning in applications, getting interviews, and lining up a job which he's super excited about.  He's figured out the bus system, train, getting around town, his schooling (EMT and CNA simultaneously).  Every time we talk ... he sounds so healthy. 

So no.  I'm not sad.  I'm so extremely happy!!!!

I did get very emotional however when we dropped him off.  He lives right next to the chapel he was blessed as a baby 18 plus years ago.  That was kinda wack.  I got emotional knowing that in that hour ... in that MINUTE, he would be crossing the bridge from childhood into adulthood.  And that got me emotional.  Just across the street sat the building that saw him as an infant getting blessed and now, on the other side of the that same building, he's closing the chapter to his childhood.

And I know how mean and awful and harsh and confusing being an adult can be.  Sure, you have no curfew, but holy hell would I RATHER be sleeping!  So much I'd RATHER be doing than adulting, that's for sure!  And now my son has to join the ranks!

Dynamics changing... that's no biggie.  Dynamics in the house are constantly changing.  New baby.  New teenager.  New sports season.  New 10 lbs.  New friends.  New realizations of oneself.  Dynamics change.  On the daily.

It's been fun though seeing child #2 sliding into oldest child place.  He's doing a great job of it.  I'd be lying if I said he's turned into an angelic, obedient, always listening piece of easy heaven.  He still gives us a run for our money ... but he's upped his maturity level.  He's upped his response to his actions. 

If you've read this far ... you get the reward of some 411.  I've been having a crisis of faith.  I made all these choices in life with the THINKING that I'd be at certain place by the time I was 45.  That my Eagle scout sons would be preparing for their missions at this time and that my Young Women medallion wearing daughters would be planning which temples they'd be getting married in.

Instead my sons quit scouts as weblos (can't even spell it ... oops) and my daughters are living, breathing VSCO girls...

And I love it.  I love that my kids have embraced themselves at the risk of being judged and labeled ... and because of it ... careful... don't judge ... it has pushed me into a "crisis of faith."

And because of it ... I find that I have actually flown my own nest.  I have grown all I can in the comforts of my own beliefs as a child ... and I grew restless.  I have 2 anchors.  I know God lives, that Christ lives.  And I know the Bible and Book of Mormon are true.  I'm finding that I'm navigating new waters, new thoughts ... and just like Colby ... I NEED this experience to grow and to be an even better me.

And just like Colby, I'm excited about this!
And just like my kids, I'm embracing myself regardless of what others may think.
And just like Colby does with me as he enters this new chapter, I'm keeping in close contact with my Heavenly Father and my Heavenly Mother.

Stake Conference ... about that ...

Let me preface this post with, I'm not hating on the "good" kids.  I have so many close friends with such wonderful kids who are doing so many wonderful things and, believe it or not, I'm sincerely, legit, happy for them all.

And now, to try and figure out my feelings.

Stake conference.  The Saturday evening session.

I had never felt so ... LOST.  So ALONE.  So ... HELPLESS in a session than I did that evening.  It was all about temple work, missionary work, and how the youth play such an important role in both.  And how there's so much success, thanks to the youth, in both.

'Cept the thing is ... my kids won't touch a temple trip with a 10 foot pole and missions?  Nem a pau!  (Ha!  Slang I learned from MY  mission!)

So as I sat there, listening about the great works the great youth of this great stake are doing, I found myself feeling ... isolated.

The next day, at part 2 of stake conference, the stake president did stand up in the end and did remind the members to not judge the youth or their parents who were not choosing to serve missions.  Of which I appreciated, but then I thought, "that's it?  For the youth that are not wanting to serve missions or who don't yet appreciate the temple, it's simply, 'don't judge them'"?

I found myself thinking about and pondering each of my kids that evening.  And thinking, "wow.  They're great kids.  So street smart.  So funny.  Able to see so clearly the good in people.  Forgiving.  Laid back.  Hilarious.  Loving.  Protective of each other.  So ... valiant!!"

But their struggles ... take them away from the church.

And I got no answers from the pulpit last weekend.  And it frustrated me.  And I felt ... so freaking lost.

Interesting enough.  So very interesting.  Was the study that I had with my older kids (they quit seminary so we do our own seminary here at the house.  Not studying D&C but rather the New Testament... a story for a later blog).











Check out Mark 9:17 (easy to remember.  I have 9 kids and 17 is my fav number).

Enter a father with a son who's possessed with an evil spirit.
He asks Christ to heal him.
He tells Christ, "I asked your disciples to heal him but they couldn't"
Christ gets a bit annoyed with the lack of faith, my guess, from both the disciples and the father.
Christ asks the father, "how long has this been going on?"
We learn since a child.
Christ tells the father, "if you can believe, your son can be healed."
And here, the father says, "I believe, help thou mine unbelief."

This story has been POUNDING in my head since my stake conference dilemma.

And here's what I get from it.

It's OK that I didn't get help from stake conference.  The father didn't get help from the disciples.   It doesn't mean I need to feel isolated.  Alls it means is, I need to dig deeper.  And I can go to an even BETTER source.  I can actually get help from Christ Himself.

What's the help I need?  I need help to navigate these very unfamiliar waters.  Having amazing kids who go against the dreams I had for them since I was a missionary myself ... it's mind boggling.  How to navigate these waters in a way that I won't sever relationships, dampen trust, won't confuse love for production, won't totally lose my shit when my kids choose their own paths...

One of my most favorite parts of this story is the one on one that Christ has with the father.  He asks him questions about his son.  Of course Christ knew how long he'd been dealing with this evil spirit.  What He was actually doing was building a relationship between this father and Himself.  He was letting this father see HE WAS INTERESTED in his son.

What did I learn here?  It's not just a matter of "not judging" but rather, "GET INTERESTED" in these kids!  If they're sitting out in the hall during church, it's not "shouldn't you be in class" but rather, "what's your favorite color?"

And the last part.  This part has totally endeared me to this father.  I wanna meet him in the next life so badly.  The humility he shows when, here he is, standing where he wants to be, talking with who he KNOWS can heal his son, admits that he doesn't have enough faith to heal his son.  BUT HE WANTS TO SO BADLY.

I've been in his shoes.  When Gideon was born.  I needed the faith to get Gideon healed, but I realized I couldn't "give Gideon" to Christ because, "you might take him from me and so I can't do it."  That was my prayer all the time in the Ronald McDonald room I stayed in all month long right after he was born.  I realized I didn't have the faith I needed to heal Gideon.  So my prayers were always, "help me with the faith I need, cuz I cannot give him to You..."

This is where grace comes in.  Grace.  Yet again that word.  It's my word for 2019.  It's knowing that, even though I try day in and day out to be a good parent to not just my kids but to any kid who walks into our house, I basically suck at it.  Not because I'm a total loser, but because I don't know what I'm doing.  I don't know how my words or actions are perceived.  I don't know exactly where these kids are in their minds.  What their REAL needs are.

So I just do what I know I can do.  I talk to them.  I do what I can to help them feel safe and accepted.  And that's all I got.  And then that's where I say, "Heavenly Father, help with the rest..."

Sometimes it can be so hard to be a member of a church that, as great and wonderful as it is, I can feel so ... alone and lost.  So isolated.  Not a part.

But this doesn't mean the church is wrong.

I mean, just read the 4 stories of Christ in the New Testament.  At His hardest moments, He ... was alone.  But it didn't mean He stopped or gave up.  He pushed forward.  Because He had the bigger picture in His mind.

And what's the bigger picture in my mind?  To have a loving relationship with my kids.  A friendship with my adult children (they're gonna be my age in a blink of an eye FYI!) and to be a good example to them.  Cuz life is so freaking hard.  Holy crap it's hard.  And I want so badly for them to know that, when life got hard, mom just clung to all that she could.  And that was her relationship with Heavenly Father, with Jesus Christ, and yes, with Heavenly Mother.

Losing

Let me just tell you a little bit about Dallin.  When he was born, he had a club foot that needed to be corrected via surgery.  We waited until he was around 15 mos to do it but until then, the doctor just said that he'd struggle a lot to walk, probably wouldn't, actually.

Dallin walked at around 12 mos.  It looked funny, but he did.  And when he got really good at walking, bam.  Surgery.  So back down the ladder he went.  But then he figured out walking with his little cast on his little leg.  People would suspiciously say, "bit young for a cast!"  

Ohhhh the judgments of our society!

Eventually he mastered his thigh high cast then bam, knocked down again with the adjustments to a new, smaller cast.  But once again, he quickly figured out that and took off to keep up with his older brother.

Finally he was cast-less and free to be Dallin.

This kid has had set back after set back as life goes on for him.  But what remains a constant is his fight.  He is one kid who lets NOTHING discourage him.  I've always been so impressed with how he faces challenges.  He feels them.  He recognizes them.  And then he faces them and overcomes them.  It happens all the time!

His goal this year was to make it to states for wrestling.  I remember him talking about that.  He had all his plans, ducks in a row, small goals, of how to accomplish.  I watched him come home exhausted from practices (I think, hands down, wrestlers have the toughest practices of ANY SPORT.  I'd challenge that with anyone) only to continue doing some sort of exercise at home.  He'd eat carefully.  Work out hard.  He wanted to qualify for states.

A few weeks into his season, during a match, he was thrown down and separated his shoulder.  2nd degree separation.  My heart fell for him.  He was devastated.  

I wondered if he'd even be able to wrestle at all.

He did.

By the end of the season, he was well enough to wrestle in districts.  

And he lost his first match.

But then went on to win the remaining 2.

And made it to states.  He made it to states because of his seasons record.

I post this picture and I tell this story because of what Dallin teaches me.

This kid.  He's familiar with defeat.  He's familiar with set backs.  He's familiar with unfair treatment or biased coaches.  He can empathize with so much.

But he simply doesn't.  let.  it.  stop him!

Losing.  Set backs.  Disappointment.  So much of what life hands us.  The question is, what do we do with it?

I'm confident that Dallin will be successful at whatever he wants to do in life.  He just has that fight in him.  I'm so happy for him!

I've had so many conversations with friends who are struggling with so much.  But what impresses and amazes me is their power to fight.

I hate Rocky.  Those movies.  Ughhhh... hate them!  But Matt LOVES them so I'm exposed to the mindnumbing that is this movie.  Movies.  There's a bunch out there.  But he says something that I actually love.  Rocky tells this kid, "It aint about how hard you hit.  It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward."

Rocky gets points from me for that one.  I like that he said, "forward."  Moving forward.

Dallin moves forward.  It's amazing.  I love it.  I've learned so much from it.  

The thing is, moving forward includes miracles.  The ability to move forward after being knocked down invites the hand of God, miracles from heaven, to be a part of our progress.  It really does.  

I think that God sees our desires, especially during our deepest and darkest moments, He can see that we still desire, and He helps us.  He can.  It's called grace.  That has become a powerful word to me.

Dallin made it to states by the grace of God.  He did well during his season, got 3rd at districts, and was picked to go because of his season's record.  

This can be applied to my life.  To my friends' lives.  My kids' lives.  Life will be full of set backs, disappointments, what have you.  But I believe that if we desire to get up and to keep moving forward, we can.  And we'll see God's hand.  And that's such a ... sweet thing.

Working out and getting sexy

You wanna know the best part about working out at least 3 times a week, being a BIT more careful of what you eat, and watching portions?

Gaining weight!  And having jeans fit ... tighter!  It'spectacular!  I just love it when hard work DOESN'T pay off!  Eets de BHEEEEST!

That's my life though right now.  In lots of different aspects even!  My new calling in church (after I got fired from being the Ward Camp director, prolly for swearing in front of the youth and chewing a cook out) is playing the organ.  When I got the calling, I had never before even sat at an organ, much less knew where the power button was much less knew what "swell" and "great" meant and which tabs to push ...

They gave me the calling as punishment, pure and simple.  You swear in front of the youth, you're screwed.

Anyways, so I have been practicing and practicing and sometimes NOT practicing at all for this calling.  And I still suck.

I've been quilting now for ... 15 years and this week made one of the ugliest quilts I've ever made but couldn't tell until it was done.

We had the missionaries over for dinner.  Got on the topic of sports and I said that what I hated about football was, "I don't know what to yell from the sidelines!  I know what to yell at soccer and bball games, but not football..." to which Addi goes, "Yeah, you know what to yell ... swear words!"  (I obviously have a mouth...)

We've been doing nightly scripture and prayer as a family now for ... 18 plus years.  The other night we were discussing God's hand in our lives and how we can recognize it and learn to follow His inspirations to us.  Kind of ... important stuff.

Immediately a discussion ensued, started by the girls.

"Why is the alphabet in the order it's in?  Who said that A needed to be first?"  And then they started singing the alphabet in a jumbled order.

Oh, and I made dinner ... the "be amazing and make enough to have dinners ready for the next 3 years" kind of prep.  To make it even more amazing, it was a Pinterest recipe.

We've had take out the past several nights cuz ... it's disgusting and I wasted like 3 flats of chicken breast.

Point being ... sometimes and for me, it seems a LOT of the time, hard work just doesn't seem to pay off.  Why the crap why???  Am I just doing EVERYTHING wrong?  The forces of nature can't be THAT much against me!  Am I just meant to fail?  Because in all these very TRUE and accurate examples, believe me when I say, I give it my ALL.  Is my all just ... jacked up?

Here's the thing though.  Last month I went to the temple (in Spokane for any non Mormons/LDS/Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints people reading this) and the HUGE blast from Heaven inspiration that I got, right in front of my face was ... GRACE.

I found it interesting that, at the beginning of the year, when I went to the temple feeling like I was as successful as a snowflake on a grill, that it was GRACE that I was reminded of.

Heavenly Father so kindly reminded me that, "you do everything you can do and I'll take care of the rest."  And it hits me again, "maybe I suck so bad at things so I get the BLESSING of seeing His hand THAT MUCH CLEARER in my life?!"  I mean, I haven't SEEN things yet (regarding the situations I wrote about) but I also need to have FAITH in His GRACE.

I read a quote (i'm fixen to slaughter it cuz it's the brain I have) that went something like, "If your best is 1%, God makes up the 99%.  If your best is 99%, God makes up the 1% ... it doesn't matter to Him.  Just do your best and He'll complete it for you..."

There are so many stories in the scriptures that show this.  Nephi and the ship.  Gideon and his 300.  The captain in Matthew who asked Christ to heal his son.  Actually ... the scriptures are SATURATED with God's GRACE.  I mean, that's the whole reason Christ even came to this Earth.  So He can help us, save us, with GRACE.

I can only do so much.  I can only do my best.  I can only just keep going.  One foot in front of the other.  One work out after another.  And then leave it up to Christ to help me.  And it requires faith on my part, especially when my "hard work" doesn't pay off.  So just keep going.  Just.  Keep.  Going.  And not quitting.  What can the Lord do with quitters?  When the dude in the New Testament got his 1 talent and buried it ... How can the Lord bless that?  This particular servant simply showed that he DID NOT KNOW his Master.  He was fearful of him.  He didn't trust him.

So when you see me walking around all skinny and sexy, you can know that yeah, grace worked!  (JK!!!!  If that does happen, it's just cuz you saw me from far away and upon closer observation, it ... wasn't me...) LOL LOL LOL!

OK, for real.  I don't know why I chose to write about this.  Mostly so my kids can one day read it and know that if things aren't going the way they hoped, even after a bunch of hard work and prayers, it's OK!  Just keep swimming.  Grace will be given to you ... it's a promise!  Good things will happen.  Just don't give up.  That's it.

Speaking of.  It's past midnight and Gideon hasn't given up on staying awake.  How is he still awake?!  Good night!